Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Last Ride
Coach Curtis
149.27 pts
Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Yes Chef!
Coach Jord
Puka Nacua - 46 pts
I mean… you want to talk about just an absolutely unreal week of football… this was the one, boys, and what better time than the semifinals of the IFL playoffs?!
We’re going to break down both semifinal games chronologically, side by side.
Starting with the Rams / Seahawks game on TNF, which was one of the most miraculous comebacks I’ve ever witnessed, Jord and Yes Chef! got off to a HOT start, with Puka putting up 46 points, the league’s best this week, and a respectable 10 points from the Rams DEF, Jord’s projection over Hunt’s Groovers certainly spiked. On the other side of the bracket, Qualley and his DSM Football Team hit JSN’s projection almost exactly, 23.6 points, and the Commish’ and Breaking Veg could neither raise nor lower their expectations, and their odds to win this game remained 50/50.
Saturday brought us just one more player into the mix from the semi’s, and that was Qualley’s Jalen Hurts, whose 19.9 points was just a couple points shy of his projections, and Qualley was out to a 43.5 point lead.
The noon games Sunday kicked off, and Mike Evans wasted no time scoring a touchdown for Breaking Veg, but was relatively quiet the rest of the window, and CeeDee Lamb had his worst game of the season, but thankfully for the Commish’, Qualley’s Tony Pollard and Chris Godwin were kept from the endzone. McLaughlin putting up 10 points didn’t feel good though. End of noon games: Qualley 72.45 - Commish’ 24.45. Jord pitched Javonte Williams, Tet McMillan and made the bold move to start waiver pickup Audric Estime over Troy Franklin (bad choice), and only McMillan produced. Meanwhile, Hunt began to chip away, as Harold Fannin and De’Von Achane both put up double digits, and Badgley and the Bucs DEF added another dozen. End of noon games: Jord 88.02 - Hunt 49.01.
In the late afternoon slot, Jord made another mistake, starting Jacoby Brissett over Caleb Williams, but Ka’imi Fairbairn’s 16 points bailed him out somewhat, while Hunt’s Bo Nix and Courtland Sutton continued to chip away and Jord’s lead. End of late afternoon slate: Jord 114.14 - Hunt 83.79. For my part, I was pretty nervous about the late afternoon games, as Etienne and Harvey are unreliable as it gets, but Trey McBride, TE1 on the season, is ol’ reliable and maybe, just maybe, he could keep pace with Qualley’s Sun God. Trey McBride, like CeeDee, would also have his worst game of the season, but as fate would have it, so would the Sun God. While the Texans DEF turned in 16 for Qualley, Etienne and Harvey would turn in big second halves, and the Commish’ would make up some ground. End of late afternoon slate: Qualley 97.88 - Commish’ 69.85.
Sunday Night Football is where it would all come together for Breaking Veg, though, as the New England Patriots and future NFL MVP and current Breaking Veg MVP Drake “Drake Maye” Maye would just not go away. Despite two fumbles and an interception, the stud would throw for 380 yards and two touchdown and rush for 25 yards, all good for 22.2 points and Andy “the Real Drew” Borregales would put up 10 points. All this while Qualley had to sweat the decision of starting Mark Andrews, whose 5.4 points, were offered in Brenton Strange’s stead, who had put up 15.4 points earlier in the day. Despite Qualley’s efforts, the Commish’ had cut it to one, and while I still had the Niners DEF, Qualley’s roster was spent. End of SNF: Qualley 103.28 - Commish’ 102.05.
Monday Night Football brought us old man Rivers and the Colts against the greatest quarterback the state of Iowa has ever produced, Brock Purdy and the Niners. While the Commish’ was on easy street, needing just one point, Jord was sweating, though he was up 31 points with Tyler Warren yet to play, Hunt had 2025’s RB2, Jonathan Taylor, and steady eddy Jauan Jennings, who had scored a touchdown in five of his last six games.
Prior to kickoff, Jord was stress baking and trying to frantically google his way out of his predicament:
Qualley, though all hope was lost, still was desperate to point a finger, and went down his own google rabbit hole:
The first quarter of MNF took me by surprise, and not in a good way, as the Niners gave up back to back touchdowns to the Colts, and my points began to fall, but luckily for Jord, none of that production added much of anything to Hunt’s score, just 46 yards from JT, and he would add another 20 yards in quarter two, but Jauan Jennings would gooseegg in the first half, so all things considered, Jord was sitting pretty, despite Tyler Warren not being spotted in Indianapolis before or during the game. But Jauan would immediately make things interesting in the second half, catching a touchdown pass four minutes in, and gather in two more catches for a quick 11 points in the third. JT would turn in 31 more yards, and at the end of the third, Jord was up just 7 points. For my sake, the Niners would pick six ol’ man Rivers, and put the nail in the coffin for Qualley, giving him some bittersweet relief for his Mark Andrews debacle. Jord would get some ammunition, at long last, from Warren who reeled in two of his three catches for the night to start the 4th, and those 4.7 points bought him some more time as Hunt’s Jauan “Jauana Man” Jennings and JT would continue to chip away until at 6:13 in the 4th, a 5 yard run from JT would put Hunt down just 0.6 points. But luckily for Jord, the game would get away from the Colts, and Niners would go full-on run the clock mode, shutting down Jauan, and the Colts would bench their starters, meaning Jord would hold on to his lead and return to back-to-back Superbowls, the first coach to do so since Qualley in ‘22/’23, to defend his title against your Commish’. I have to say, it feels good to be going to back to the Big One. It’s been a long, cold eight years, and after starting the season 2-7, to win seven straight to get this point, is quite a journey, and speaks volumes to levels of never quitting my team has.
Shoutout to Qualley, who has now made the semifinals or better for three consecutive years, and for three consecutive years, has fallen short. Shoutout to Hunt, who has now twice been regular season champ with historically great teams, and twice fallen short. See you in the Superbowl, Jord.
Alas, that’s not all! This week also brought us the IFL Losership, and our IFL Loser of the Year. Huzzah! TC and Ewoldt, the worst of the worst, met in the sewers in their race to the filthy bottom, and low and behold, TC came out ahead, winning 102-82. Ewoldt, is 2025’s IFL Loser of the Year, after starting the season 2-0, his hype characteristically left the room, and he finished 3-9, with a league worst 89 PPG. Better luck next year, pal.
On the other side of the coin, Brady and Aaron met for the Super Consolation ‘Ship and Brady would win handily 96-70, thanks to another ridiculous performance from James Cook. Brady gets second best draft odds for 2025, after narrowly avoiding Ewoldt’s fate. Look out for Brady and his bucks in ‘26.
Merry Christmas, coaches. Stay tuned for pick ‘em polls tomorrow!
Daddy and Chris go 4 for 5 this week, taking advantage of the big bonuses, and Daddy leapfrogs the Pickers Consensus and Jord. With 20 possible points next week, he’s within striking distance of the Commish’.
