Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Meet MY Kids
Coach Jesse
155.75 pts
Highest Scoring Player ($7)
The Groovers
Coach Hunt
Jonathan Taylor - 38.9 pts
What a week, huh?! Rivalry Week doesn’t disappoint. We had upsets, beatdowns, and an unprecedented 6-team trade. Let’s kick it off the recap with the trade.
If someone had told me that a 6-way trade happens this year before the season started, I would be completely shocked to learn that Jesse wasn’t the architect. Instead, the mastermind of this trade would need some cajoling. It all started with this stray from Drew:
And the next thing we know, Jord says this:
The trade in question was so big you couldn’t even screenshot it in one grab:
Daddy and Drew fell right away. When Joe finally looked at his phone, he was in.
After sleeping on it for a night, the Commish’ was in too. That left us with Duncan, and despite every expert in the country calling Jefferson for Nacua a downgrade, what they don’t factor in is Duncan’s Vikings blinders taking over, and the final domino fell and the first ever multi-team trade in IFL history was complete, much to the chagrin of the only hater of the trade in the league, TC. Poor guy just hates to be left out.
If Puka stays healthy, Jord will likely run away with the trade, but for now that’s a big if. For now, you just have to tip your cap to the architect, and while we’re at it, his old mentor Jesse, the pioneer of attempted multi-team trades. Now let’s get to the games.
PINEVIEW LEGENDS
Chris took in the shorts following his trade, since Jefferson played Thursday before the trade went through, he got to play neither him nor CeeDee, but it really wouldn’t have mattered, as his squad mustered just 61 points, and Nelson pulled off a major upset, winning 88-61. Nelson climbs to 3-5, into a tie at the bottom of X-IA. Chris remains in 2nd in the CdS.
RICHARD BROS
Prior to the 6-man trade, a trade that will henceforth be referred to as simply “The Trade”, Jord declared he would lose this week if The Trade went through, as his recipients were all bye. But that was not at all the case, as his team would step up all around, including his kicker who scored a twenty deuce and his free agent pickup Troy Franklin, who would score 27. Jord’s 128 points were his second highest all season, and he sailed past little bro Austin, who scored just 92, with an uncharacteristic performance from Bijan - just 4.3 points this week. Austin loses his third straight game and falls to 5-3, opening the door to two other fellow Papa Jord teams, one of whom was Jord himself, who has now won 4 straight games. Jord will hold the important tiebreaker over Austin should it come down to that.
CYCLONES VS HAWKEYES
But another team holds a tiebreaker over both Jord and Austin, and that is none other than Scallon and the Pineview Knights, who just like their beloved Cyclones, handled business against #1 Hawkeye truther TC, 118-104. Scallon climbs to 5-3 as well, and is the de facto division leader, with that double tiebreaker. TC falls to 3-5, and has lost three straight.
JANE’S BASEMENT
Not only did Nick lose to his biggest rival this week 86-105, but he took a major blow to his season, as Cam Skattebo would get knocked out for the season with an ankle injury, putting an end to Skatt’s electric rookie season. The clairvoyant Jord, who traded him to Nick just 16 days prior, does it again. Maybe we’re learning, too late now of course, not to trade with Jord? The man is a GM possessed. Nick falls to 6-2, still two games up in the CdS. Curtis climbs to 3-5.
MOST INTERESTING MEN IN THE WORLD
The Doc, who continues to just find ways to win games, does it again this week against Qualley, 138-103, taking full advantage of Qualley’s two best players being on bye. The Doc’s Tucker Kraft put up 35 the day after National Tight End’s Day, just an unreal performance. Jack climbs to 5-3, trying to stay relevant in X-IA, as Qualley falls out of his three-way tie with Jord and John.
IOWA FALLS TRANSPLANTS
Jesse’s had kind of an up and down season and up again season, and this week it’s WAY up, much like his pubescent hair, as he nearly TRIPLES up Ewoldt this week 155.75-52.13, which is good enough for the 6th highest blowout in IFL history. Drew’s 171.75-57.91 beatdown of Scallon in Week 4 of 2022 still stands the test of time as the biggest ever. Ewoldt’s 52.13 points is also low enough for the 5th lowest score in IFL history, or at least it would have been, as amazingly, Ewoldt did end up outscoring Joe, who could only play 6 players this week, and that was despite Ewoldt’s kicker being declared out prior to MNF. Jesse’s actually averaged the second most points in the league over the last four weeks (126 PPG), only surpassed by Hunt (138 PPG). Jesse climbs to 5-3 with Jack in X-IA, remaining three games back.
BACHELOR PARTY ABSENTEES
Well Drew’s had some embarrassing losses this season, but this one might take the cake. In our pick ‘em poll, just a single man thought Brady could beat Drew this week, and I’m certain Austin only picked Brady accidentally. Brady, who has been plotting his revenge against Drew for a year, imagined the most humiliating way he could beat Drew, by the might of just a single player, and manifested it. James Cook ran for a ridiculous 216 yards, and two tuddies, for 37.6 points, for a comeback victory over Drew 118-111. It doesn’t get more pathetic than that for Drew’s idiotic squad. Drew falls to 4-4 and can pretty much kiss his season goodbye as Brady moves to 3-5 and things are looking up.
FAILED MATHEMATICIANS
Well, despite getting to eat my cake and have it too in the JJets for CeeDee trade and playing both players, my Breaking Veg squad just folded against the best team in the league, getting slammed by Hunt and the Groovers 87-130. Hunt has now won 8 in a row for the second time in his coaching career, the first coach to ever accomplish that in the IFL. Hunt’s squad is the best in every metric we have - all-play, PPG, standard deviation, last four week’s PPG, and it’s all behind the incomparable Jonathan Taylor, who is currently AVERAGING 28 points per game. Ridiculous.
DADDY & THE KID
Well, the pioneering year of our newest rivalry was somewhat ham handed, as Joe could only start 6 of 8 players this week. In solidarity, Daddy benched his kicker, not that it made much of a difference, as Daddy would win 87.02-50.35. Joe’s 50.35 points were the 5th lowest in IFL history. Daddy climbs to 4-4, and being in Papa Jord’s, a division that is very much up for grabs, is looking to get mixy with it in the last 6 weeks of the season. Joe, falls to 0-8, and will look to turn his season around with the expected return of Brock Bowers in Week 9.
X-IA expands their lead to 11 as the CdS continues to embarrass.
Your commish’ goes nuclear in rivalry week pick ‘em, 9 for 10, and expands his lead to 8. Qualley and Jord go a respectable 7 for 10 and 6 for 10, respectively, but catch me if you can, boys!
