Week 4 Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Pineview Knights
Coach John
172.06 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Can’t Bench These Vibes
Coach Chris
Puka Nakua - 36.25 pts

Our game of the week saw the league’s highest scoring team cool off from 174 points to 127 points, but Qualley’s Des Moines Football Team was still good enough for the 3rd highest score this week and able to send Joe to 0-4, who could only muster 98 points this week. Qualley’s whole team scored double digits, and scarily, his bench could have propelled him even higher, as Doubs delivered a hat trick of tuddies on his bench, the best attention grab for playing time Doubs can muster. Qualley climbs to 2-2, but still sits at two-games back from the division leader, Austin, who would win handily against Ewoldt and the Course Rangers 116-91 this week. Austin remains undefeated, and I don’t know why that should change, sitting tight on league winner Bijan, who produced 29 points this week, and to boot, he does it for the second straight week without Jayden Daniels. Ewoldt falls to 2-2 after his 2-0 start.

The battle between our two other 3-0 teams wasn’t really a battle at all, as Jesse’s Meet MY Kids tun in their worst performance of the year, and concerningly, their 4th consecutive declining performance: 114 - 99 - 88 - 75. Hunt’s GROOVERS put up 122 points and cruised to 4-0, remaining the all-play W-L leader at 54-14, though he has fallen to 4th in PPG, as Scallon’s Pineview Knights went fully MEDIEVAL on Jord and Yes Chef!, doubling them up and them some 172-82, and Scallon now jumps Hunt in PPG through 4 weeks. It’s the second highest score by any team this season, and was anchored by 50 points from Love and CMC, but sent to the upper echelons by George Pickens’ 34 points and a ridiculous 27 points from the Lions DEF. The Knights climb to 2-2 and will look to chase the 4-0 Austin in Papa Jord’s. For Papa Jord himself, he falls to 1-3 and our 2024 champ really needs to take hard look in the mirror, as he currently sits at 17-51 in all-play record, the league worst.

Another shoutout to Daddy this week, as he narrowly puts together back to back wins, this week slipping past No Nonsense Nelson 112-108. His team looked in TROUBLE midway Sunday, but some hero performances from Mahomes and Hampton, and some all-time low performances from Lamar and AJ Brown for Nelson’s squad, flipped the script and the 4 points Will Lutz delivered last night were Father Daddy needed to get back to even Steven. Even more impressive that he did this without his first round draft pick CeeDee Lamb.

Speaking of first round draft picks, we lost one this week to a season ender, as Brady’s Malik Nabers tore his ACL in the Chargers game. It’s a big blow to ALL-TIME D, who fell to 1-3 to boot this week, as Nick and Alexa, Draft My Team swept up 106-69, and made their way to 3-1. But we all know Brady’s team has never been about talent, and if there’s anyone who can coach their way out of the pickle he’s in, it’s him.

Papa Jord’s hits their stride with a monster week, climbing to a 23 game lead, as X-IA and CdS remain close.

Your commish’ navigates both 50/50s and nails the MNQ, jumping Jord and Chris in the process.

The Commissioner

Week 3 Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Des Moines Football Team
Coach Qualley
174.38 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
The IFL Boogeyman
Coach TC
Vikings DEF - 37.58 pts

Well our Game of the Week turned out to be a turtle and the slightly faster turtle kind of race, as Jesse and Jord were locked up 72-62, in Jord’s favor, headed into MNF, but Meet MY Kids star RB Jahmyr Gibbs did laps around Yes Chef’s Jameson Williams, leading Jesse to a 88-79 victory and his second-ever 3-0 start, last time coming in 2019, when he started the season 8-0. He has just an 28-23 all-play record, benefitting so far from the second easiest schedule in the league thus far, but, hey, it’s not about how you win, am I right? Jord posts the worst total in the league this week, falling to 1-2, and currently sits with the lowest all-play record in the league at 14-37. YIKES. Time to hit the panic button if you’re one of the many underpaid line cooks in that kitchen.

At the other end of the spectrum, the all-play leader at 41-10, Hunt’s Groovers have quietly dismantled 3 consecutive, this week taking down the previous standings leader, Nick 132-82, and grooves on to 3-0. This is also Hunt’s second 3-0 start to a season, his first time coming in 2022, a season in which in didn’t even make the playoffs. The Groovers have quietly built each performance this season, and that’s a scary trend if it continues: 104 —> 120 —> 132.

Nick is surpassed in standings by the only other 2-1 Cul-de-Sack team, Chris, as Can’t Bench These Vibes dispatch with Scallon’s Pineview Knights 124-111, behind the league’s WR1, Puka Nacua. Chris has the third best all-play record in the league at 33-18 and tied for second best PPG with Hunt at 119. Scallon falls to 1-2.

Our new PPG leader, naturally, is the latest hot hand, Qualley, who gave his 0-2 team a real fire branding heading into this weekend’s games, and it showed, his lowest scoring player, JK Dobbins had 15.8 points, and 6 of his players had 20+, completely EMBARRASSING the goon squad, ALL-TIME D and their goon captain Brady with 174 points, an IFL high for any team this season, besting the previous high by 19 points. Brady’s team had rallied hard the previous weekend for their Superbowl matchup with the commish’ and that was obvious this week, as they came back down to their comfort zone, a measly 82 points.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out my favorite team, Austin’s BiJanShulShonRobnSonSonSo and their league winner Bijan also climbed to 3-0, easily besting Drew’s truly horrible team 116-83. This is Austin’s first ever 3-0 start and at a 33-18 all-play record, it’s no fluke either. And this win was without his QB phenom Jayden Daniels, who may be iffy for Week 4.

Of our two IFL retirement returnees, Daddy was the first to get a win, beating the two-time champ Jack 104-97, despite his first round draft pick CeeDee Lamb getting hurt early in the Bears game and posting a gooseegg. Daddy gets his first IFL win since his exodus in 2019. Congrats, my guy! Of course, it’s a bit bittersweet, as CeeDee’s injury is in flux, possibly forcing him to miss a couple games, but on the other hand, his rookie stud Omarion Hampton just became the Chargers workhorse RB with Najee’s season ending injury. The Doc falls to 1-2, but history tells us not worry about him.

For our other returnee, Joe, he was not so lucky, as his battle with his brother ended fittingly, with big bro on top 114-112. Joe and Last Seen at Brady’s fall to 0-3, the only team with such a distinction, but unlike Jord’s team, it really isn’t time to hit the panic button whatsoever. He sits at 29-22 in all-play, which is 5th best in the league, and has the lowest standard deviation in the league of the top 8 scoring teams. He just made a winning trade for Etienne and Bowers and has been without his QB1 Brock Purdy for two weeks. I’d much rather be Last Seen at Brady’s than Yes Chef!, that’s for sure. Breaking Veg narrowly escapes the 0-3 start, and joins the endless ranks of 1-2 teams.

A much better week for the Cul-de-Sack brings the race real tight, as Papa Jord’s slips into to first, by just a single game.

Chris goes 3 for 4, climbing into a tie with Jord at the top of the heap.

The Commissioner

Week 2 Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Can’t Bench These Vibes
Coach Chris
155.97 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Des Moines Football Team
Coach Qualley
Amon-Ra St. Brown - 39.45 pts

Just going to rip the Band-Aid off and get right to it - our Game of the Week was a disaster for your Commissioner, after facing the #1 scoring team in the league last week, Brady, fresh off the Monday Night Football primetime juicer at Soldier Field, used that experience to rally the troops and inspired his men to a 146 point field day against my Breaking Veg. Brady’s long-time croney James Cook was good for 27, but sophomore phenom Malik Nabers BUSTED for 37.5, while my boys have had a SLOW start to the season. No matter. Not worried AT ALL. Not even A LITTLE. Not ONE BIT.

One upping Brady this week, was Nick, the autodrafter, who popped off for 152 points, against the Pineview Knights, whose 119 points was an improvement from last week, but gives them their first loss of the season. Nick’s performance is impressive considering this is his first week without George Kittle, who was placed on IR. No matter, plug in Zach Ertz, who posts a twenty-deuce and show the league why you draft Jamar Chase #1 overall, who torches the Jags for 37.5 points. Nick moves to 2-0, the only undefeated team in the Cul-de-Sac.

And of course, we’d be remiss if we didn’t highlight the most improved team from week 1 to 2, more than doubling his week 1 score, Chris and Can’t Bench These Vibes, whose 78 points to kick off the season was second-worst in the league, but 156 points this week answers a lot of questions. The Lions returned to form this week as Jared Goff went OFF for 34 points and Puka continues to do War Daddy things, scoring 28 points this week and currently sitting at WR1 overall on the season. League gentleman Qualley, unfortunately, was on the receiving end of this, whose respectable 124 points this week was 4th highest this week, but just couldn’t muster the defense. Qualley moves to 0-2, despite his 108 PPG through 2 weeks, which is 6th best in the league. If it’s any solace, the Sun God did earn him $7 this week for his near 40-burger. Chris moves to 1-1.

One of the scariest under-the-radar teams through two weeks has been Hunt’s GROOVERS, who have quietly put up the 6th best week 1 score and 5th best week 2 score, putting them at a league best all-play record of 25-9. This week, they silently slaughtered Drew and Zach’s Barn of Horrors 121-94, behind two workhorse RB performances from Achane and Taylor (RB6 & RB4 respectively on the season). If they can continue to produce like that, YIKES. Hunt climbs to 2-0, but is in a 3-way tie atop X-IA, as Jesse’s Meet MY Kids dispatched Nelson in a nailbiter this week 100-95 and Ewoldt and the Course Rangers savaged Curtis’ Last Ride 103-67 to get to 2-0 as well. Drew and Curtis fall to 1-1 and Aaron to 0-2.

The only other undefeated team remaining is the one I live vicariously through, as the Prince Who Was Promised, Bijan Robinson helped carry McConkey Kong Country (still in need of a name change) to a kind of defense wins championships win 84-64 over a brutally bad TC The IFL Boogeyman game. TC posts a league-low this week after his hot start week 1, and falls to 1-1. Austin climbs to 2-0, and now crosses his fingers, as the #2 in his dynamic duo, Jayden Daniels is questionable after a knee injury this week.

Lastly, we’ll just touch briefly on our reigning champ Jord and Yes Chef’s bounce back game, who gets back to even against league returnee Daddy, in a 116-80 affair. Daddy, like me, has seen disappointing RB play, but unlike me, has the league-low all-play record of 8-26. But you know what? The night is young. The first two weeks of the NFL are just a blip in the grand scheme of things, and fortunes will most undoubtedly change. Daddy having a better record end-of-season than Jord wouldn’t surprise me AT ALL.

Godspeed in Week 3, gentlemen.


X-IA and Papa Jord’s remain neck and neck, but the Cul-de-Sack falls further behind.

Jord has maybe his first perfect week of pick ‘em ever to take the lead through two weeks. He was just one of two pickers who had Brady’s unlikely team knocking off the commish'

The Commissioner

Week 1 Recap

 

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Zach’s Barn of Horrors
Coach Drew
131.76 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
No Nonsense Nelson
Coach Aaron
Lamar Jackson - 31.36 pts
(Drew’s Josh Allen had 39.76 points but you can only win one weekly award per week)

Two incredible comebacks in Sunday Night Football and Monday Night Football, featuring Josh Allen running absolutely rampant in the 4th quarter at my expense and just like that we are SO back, baby!

Our Game of the Week turned out to be to be a defensive struggle, as Nick’s #1 overall pick, Jamar Chase was nearly shutout against the Browns, scoring just 4.6 points, but his 81.8 points were just enough to hold off Duncan and his late Dalton Kincaid push on SNF, winning 82-78. Nick outscored just 2 of the 17 other teams this week, but he played one of them and moves to 1-0 on the season. It’s a big divisional win too, as Chris joins the Cul-de-Sack this season.

The only other Cul-de-Sack team to win this week was Curtis and his Last Ride, who traded blows with Joe and Last Seen at Brady’s in Ravens game, as Joe’s Zay Flowers and Curtis’ King Henry both put up near 30-burgers. Curtis need 9 points from Aaron Jones in MNF to take the win, and while he didn’t get a lot of touches, a clutch touchdown reception from JJ put him over the top, and Curtis would welcome Joe back to the league with an L. To Joe’s credit, he had the highest score of any losing team this week, posting an 11-6 all-play record.

Daddy would also be welcomed back to the league with an L, and a bit more of a blowout, facing Jesse and Meet MY Kids, whose Justin Herbert matched Patrick Mahomes 28 point game with one of his own Friday night, and then had just one of the most complete team performances we’ve ever seen, as save his defense, Jesse’s entire squad had 11 points or better.

Of course, Week 1 is always a little flukey and that’s why we don’t have to talk about how Drew’s 2 TE no RB Josh Allen draft strat produced the most points in the league this week, or how Josh Allen’s 40-deuce, primarily scored in the 4th quarter gave me an out of body experience in which I saw myself losing fantasy football games to Drew in the dumbest ways imaginable for an excruciating eternity, my own personal hell. Yeah, WE’RE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT THAT.

Instead we’re going to talk about the team I wish I had, which is Austin’s. The man drafted my sweet, sweet prince Bijan Robinson, who somehow fell to the third pick, and he’ll enjoy the easy, carefree bliss of rostering the league winner on his team. Pair him up with Jayden HIM Daniels and WOW, what a duo. Austin would put an absolute beatdown on the Doc in the opener, 124-74, who has an uncharacteristically poor start. The Doc, who has only had two losing seasons in his nine year career, I am certain will bounce back next week.

We had a nailbiters in the opener, as Ewoldt just edged out Brady 96-94 and Scallon’s freshly rebranded Pineview Knights slipped past Nelson 91-89, but to close this out let’s take a look at our reigning champ Jord and how his Yes Chef! did this week. Oof, yeah, it looks like TC did it again, drafting the QB Jord wanted, Justin Fields, and using him against him for 31 points is pretty poetic. Maybe this time don’t trade him away, TC? Jord’s dimestore QB Trevor Lawrence was only good for 10 points and that was basically the difference here, our champ losing to TC 87-114.

Lot of season ahead of us, gentlemen, and a lot can happen. We’re JUST getting started. And god does it feel good.

Condensing to 3 divisions and adding two teams per doesn’t slow down X-IA, who is off to solid start once again this season, looking to repeat as top division in the league.

Jesse, Qualley, TC and Curtis and the reigning Pick Em Champ, your Commish’ have a strong 3/4 showing to kick things off!

The Commissioner

IFL 2025 Begins

Welcome back, gentlemen, for the IFL’s 12th season!

The IFL is continually improving, getting faster, stronger, and this year, bigger, expanding to 18 teams. I’ve gone through and updated our all-time stats page, so you can check out our history. Below is our updated all-time standings table, and you’ll note that for the first time since 2014, your commish’ no longer sits atop it.

In one fell swoop, Jack and Jord have overtaken me, and while the commish’ is still the wins leader, Jack and Jord have a better win percentage, and the Doc is the new target to chase. I’d also like to note that Aaron, having won the BSC division for the third time in a row in its final season as a division has now won his division 5 times, an IFL best.

Here’s a few draft observations from this year as well for those curious:

  • ELITE QBS: 3 QBs taken in the first 2 rounds, up from 0 last year. 

  • KELCE'S REIGN IS OVER: For the first time in 6 years, Travis Kelce is not the 1st TE taken. That crown now belongs to Brock Bowers. Kelce fell to the 4th round as the 4th TE, at the age of 35. 

  • JUSTIN TUCKER'S REIGN IS OVER: For the first time since 2021, we have a new overall #1 kicker in Brandon Aubrey. We will never speak of Justin Tucker again.

  • NEW #1: Jamar Chase, who was experts' consensus #1 pick this year, goes #1 overall in the IFL for the first time, going #5 last year, #2 in 2023, #13 in 2022, and #76 his rookie year.

  • RBS BACK?: 3 RBs taken in the top 5, and 5 RBs taken in the first 10 picks, up from 1 in the top 5 and in the top 10 last year. 

  • DREW'S AN IDIOT: Drew took a page out of Chris' playbook from last year, punting on RB until the 6th round, becoming only the third coach to ever do so. Chris went 5-12 last year.

Good luck this season and may the fantasy gods not strike you down.

2025 Iowa Fantasy League Invitation

Dear IFL Coach,

It only took him a decade, but Papa Jord finally has been promoted from sweaty bus boy all the way to head chef. This year, we’ve brought out of retirement two IFL journeymen, Daddy and lil’ baby Joe, in an effort to prevent Chef Jord from cooking up a second course. I charge you to join them in a league-wide prevent defense against this culinary nightmare:

To accommodate the expansion to 18 teams, we will be making a couple of changes.

The first is a divisional restructuring. The Boy Scout Cyclone division will be dissolved and absorbed by the remaining three divisions: Aaron and Drew to X-IA, John to Papa Jord’s and Chris to Cul-de-Sack. Joe will be returning to the Cul-de-Sack and Daddy to Papa Jord’s.

The second is roster changes. Since we are adding two teams, that’s 26 players that will be removed from the free agency pool. To address this we are going to eliminate one starting position and one bench position, which will add back 36 players to the free agency pool for a net gain of 10 players. To eliminate a starting position but still give positional flexibility, we’ll be eliminating both a RB and a WR slot but adding a second flex slot. Since we will now be down to just 3 bench slots, we are then going to add in a second IR slot, so down on their luck teams can better navigate injuries. Since bye weeks will make QBs, Kickers and DST more scarce, we’re going to cap the number of each of those positions you can roster at 2, so teams can’t roster 3 QBs and squeeze out other teams. In the unlikely event that this happens, a coach that is unable to roster one of these positions during a bye week will have the option of adding the score of the worst QB/K/DST from that week. In the case of QB, they must have played 90%+ of snaps.

Daddy and Joe will be given draft odds equivalent to Jesse’s, which is middle of the pack, better odds than all the playoff teams from last year, but worse odds than the rest of the consolation teams, save Jesse.

The buy-in is the same as last year’s, $60. With 18 owners, that now makes the total prize pool $1,080. The 2025 payout structure will be as follows:

Place Awards
Champion = $445
Runner-Up = $70
3rd Place = $10
Division Winner = $35
Wild Card = $8
Season Awards
Pick 'Em Champ = $25
The Bounty = $20
Regular Season Champ = $15

Weekly Awards
Highest Scoring Team = $15
Highest Scoring Player = $7

The draft will start at 6:30 PM on Saturday August 23rd.

Godspeed men.

The Commissioner



Superbowl Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
DSM Football Team
Coach Qualley
180.11 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
THE GROOVERS
Coach Hunt (4th time this season, 2nd week in a row, and with 4 different players)
Tee Higgins - 38.9 pts

IFL Superbowl XI was a foregone conclusion it seems, after seeing the epic comebacks Jord and the Control Room mounted in the quarter- and semi-finals, and the absolute indomitable will-to-win, Brady’s team just folded, mustering just 97.04 points in their second-ever Superbowl appearance, which allowed Jord’s prodigy quarterback Jayden “Him” Daniels to score his second thirty-burger in a row to cap the game for the Control Room during SNF. Then, as victory lap, the Sun God Amon Ra St. Brown would put up a 20-deuce, to make the final score 131.39 - 97.04, and give Jord his first IFL Superbowl ring in his ten seasons in the league. Jord, who had made the playoffs 6 times before, and the 2019 IFL Superbowl VI, but fallen short every time, finally sees his team through to the finish line. Prior to this victory, during the 16-team era, Jord had the most wins of any coach in the league to not win a championship (77), and that title will now pass on to Nelson (73).

Jord, who in a season marred by injuries across the league, was able to trade his way to the team he had hoped to draft all along, curtesy TC, and while that meant sitting on a bum Cooper Kupp for 5 weeks, Kupp’s return to the Rams was productive, averaging 17.2 PPG to propel the Control Room to a Papa Jord’s division title and #2 seed in the playoffs. Though Kupp’s all-time bomb-out in the playoffs, averaging 3.3 PPG, was rough, it was compensated by Jord’s DEEP squad, and captained, of course by Jayden Daniels. Daniels would finish the season as QB3, but Jord’s #1 draft pick Amon Ra was also WR3, and his TE Trey McBride was TE2 despite scoring just one TD all season. It didn’t hurt, either that Jord rostered the RB7 on the season, Achane. Those four studs would account for an average of 91.9 PPG (23 PPG a piece) over the course of the playoffs, a recipe, clearly, for success.

Brady, our 2024 runner-up, falls short in his 2nd Superbowl-appearance, first time since 2016, and his first playoff appearance since 2020. Quite the turnaround for the fortunes of our favorite desert dwelling coach, after being the 2023 IFL Loser of the Year, and starting the season 3-6, to win 7 consecutive games, win the Cul-de-Sack division and wind up in the Superbowl. Hands down, Comeback Coach of the Year.

Congrats to our champion, Jord. You finally did it, you legend!

Thanks to all our coaches this season for playing and making this the best fantasy football league on the planet. Love to you all and have a Happy New Year!

Austin wins his 4th consecutive game, now good for longest streak in the league, to finish the season on a high note, besting TC 155.43 - 128.09, and doubling his draft odds for 2025, behind an electric performance from the 2024 Best Name Winner Ladd McConkey, who put up 28.4 pts in the Consolation ‘Ship and incredibly finished as WR13 in his rookie debut. TC loses his first Consolation Championship ever, having won the previous two he attended. But still, he’ll enjoy boosted draft odds for 2025 as well, so keep an eye out for these two next year.

Curtis folds up like an armadillo in the 2024 Toilet Bowl, and unfortunately for him, the Scallon Express turns him into roadkill 122.54 - 76.27, making Curtis the 2024 IFL Loser of the Year, and our the IFL’s 4th 2-Time Loser of the Year. The first time Curtis was here in 2019, he would parlay that rock-bottom low point into his first ever Superbowl ring two years later, so I wouldn’t write the man off just yet. For now, let’s shame this man for ending the season as the worst of the worst, having three chances to avoid this embarrassment, and failing each time. Congrats to Scallon on escaping infamy for the second time in his career, once before to Aaron in 2021.

I guess fittingly, your Commish’ scores the most in the final week, and is your 2024 Pick ‘Em Champ, the first time in our 9th season of Pick ‘Em that he’s ever pulled it off. Shoutout to the 3-Peat and 4-Time Pick ‘Em Champ Curtis, and last year’s Champ Qualley for pushing me to new heights.

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The Commissioner

Semifinals Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
The Control Room
Coach Jord (2nd time this season)
152.94 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
THE GROOVERS
Coach Hunt (3rd time this season)
Jonathan Taylor - 41.3 pts

WOW. WOW. WOW. Our highest scoring semifinal round since 2021 featured one of the most epic comebacks the IFL has ever seen, and who else could be the architect of such a comeback outside of the Miracle Man himself, Jord.

Everyone that was paying attention saw Jord’s odds dip as low as 20% chance of victory at the height of Jonathan Taylor’s 41.3 point performance in the early slot of games, and I personally had Hunt in the Superbowl based on the numbers at that point, but unfortunately for Hunt, the Commanders / Eagles game just NEVER ENDED, and Himmy Daniels scored nearly 20 points, in the 4th quarter and overtime of that game, which gave Jord a chance. That chance was all De’Von Achane needed, and after what witnesses are calling the greatest halftime speech in sports history from Coach Richards, Achane ripped the 49ers defense for 31 points increasing Jord’s odds to about 40%. To really have a chance though, Jord would have to survive the Sunday Night gauntlet of Dowdle and Mike Evans, who have averaged 17.2 PPG and 21.6 PPG over the previous 4 weeks. Incredibly the pair would score just 19.25 points combined, meaning Jord would need 10.3 points from the Packers DST in MNF to get himself to the 2024 Superbowl. The anxiety rollercoaster Jord was riding was further amplified and self-inflicted as he swapped the Packers DST for the Bengals DST 15 minutes before kickoff Sunday, and the Bengals DST had scored 21.5 points, meaning that had Jord not touched his lineup, he’d have won the game Sunday night. Alas, the drama continued into Monday Night, but really there was never any question. The Packers absolutely dominated the Saints, and made poor little Spencer Rattler look like… Spencer Rattler. Jord would complete the comeback and earn his bid to his 2nd ever IFL Superbowl. Hunt, who falls short yet again on a 10-win season. He has had three 10+ win seasons in the last four years, and the most wins of any coach in that time period with 44. Impressive stuff, but I’m sure he’d much rather have the hardware to go with that.

On the other side of the bracket, the drama was not quite as dramatic. Brady shot up early in the projections thanks to 27 points from Will Lutz and Mark Andrews, but Jack came roaring back after 27.5 points from the Falcons DST and 41.6 points from his pair of Lions - Williams and LaPorta. However, that was offset by a 30-burger for Brady from his Sleevan Allen. The deciding game between our vice assistant to the principal and our esteemed doctor had to be the Bills / Patriots matchup. Jack’s Josh Allen had averaged 42 PPG over the last 3 weeks, but would be limited to just 11.7 points this week, and meanwhile, Brady’s James Cook would put up 27.1 points. Alas, 20 points from Calimari and 23 points from AJ Brown would put Brady up 3 with still Josh Jacobs yet to play Monday Night, and with Jack exhausting his entire roster, Brady would clinch his second ever Superbowl berth, and a chance to pick up his second ring. The Doc will end his campaign falling short of his third Superbowl appearance, which is a big sigh of relief for me personally, as god only knows what powers a man would inherit if he should ever dawn three rings. Jack is the fifth consecutive regular season champ to not win it all.

We have on our hands a Brady v Jord Superbowl. Buckle up, gentlemen! And Merry Christmas!

Austin continues his heater again in the Consolations, this week upsetting Jesse 125-113, and fighting his way to the Consolation championship, where he’ll meet TC, who would easily move past Ewoldt 138-120. Both TC and Austin will now enjoy boosted draft odds to 2025, but a win in the ‘Ship will double their odds yet again.

Amazingly, the unending rivalry between Curtis and Nick has Nick’s team escape the Toilet Bowl’s final battle. Despite coaching what may be the worst team in IFL history, he has escaped eternal shame by beating Curtis this week 118-98. Curtis will slide into the deepest rungs of this here toilet to face the Scallon Express, who would lose a heartbreaker 80-82 this week to Chris. Scallon has been on whatever the opposite of a heater is, now having lost 5 straight games. Scallon and Curtis will meet this week to determine who the worst coach in the IFL is for 2024.

With the bonus points ramping up, your Commish’ hits 3 for 4, and extends his lead. Bonus points will bump up again, and there will be 17 points up for grabs, which puts TC, Chris, Curtis, Jesse and Qualley all in the mix. Good luck, gents!

The Commissioner

Quarterfinals Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
THE GROOVERS
Coach Hunt (3rd time this season)
149.9 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Tuna with Spicy Mustard
Coach Jack (2nd time this season)
Josh Allen - 43.3 pts (Highest point total by an award winner this season, but Puka was actually only the 3rd highest scorer this week. #1 was Josh Allen with 53.4 points and #2 was Jamar Chase with 45.6 points, both contributing to Jack’s ridiculous 200 point game in Week 14; however, you cannot win both weekly awards.)

^^^ A live look at me watching my fantasy score this weekend.

What a horrible weekend to have eyes. As one of two Make-A-Wish entrants into the playoffs this season, I couldn’t believe my luck when Jord’s Cooper Kupp posted a goose egg Thursday night. And after a middling noon slate, my Spawn of Satan was sitting at a projected 82% chance of winning.

Why is it that that hopeful feeling is the most dangerous of all emotions? You finally let your guard down and feel vulnerable for the first time in a long time only for the fantasy gods to smile at your stupidity and send you so back down to rock bottom so fast that it makes you question whether you’ll ever feel vulnerable again.

And that moment for me wasn’t just a moment, but an excruciating three and a half hour beatdown that was the Lions / Bills game. The Bills, who were always in command of that game, and always held a 2+ score lead, were apparently amused by the little Lions’ annoying refusal to quit. Bills would go up 3 scores, Lions would score. Bills would go up 3 scores, Lions would score. And that cycle would repeat itself infinitely, until Amon Ra St. Brown had 35.8 points, and my chances of winning had fallen to 35%. I don’t even want to talk about how things played out from there for my boys, but suffice it to say, that the completely battle-tested Control Room will move on the semifinals.

I hate to lose, but if there’s one coach losing to makes palatable, it’s Jord, and I wish him the best. Jord will join the semifinals for the first time since his fabled 2018 Momma Cat squad.

The stupid 90 points in the Bills / Lions game did not just flip the trajectories of my own fate, but that of Drew’s and Brady’s as well.

Drew shared a similar story to mine, as the other Make-a-Wish kid in this year’s playoffs, and I believe he too had a 80% or better chance of winning heading into Bills / Lions, but even worse for him, the Doc had 4 players in that dreaded game, and with Josh Allen leading the charge, you know how it played out. 75.6 later, 43.28 of which were from Josh, Drew was reliant on the Las Vegas Raiders blowing out the Falcons DEF on MNF, the reality of which played out the exact opposite, and Tuna with Spicy Mustard would return to the semifinals for the first time since their 2020 Championship run.

Brady’s winning odds flipped as well due to Lions / Bills, but not quite as dramatically, as he benefitted from early James Cook production in that game to the tune of 27.3 points, but Qualley’s late Gibbs touchdowns netted him 28.4 points, which in combination with the lack of Cardinal’s production Brady got, put Qualley’s chances fairly high. Brady would get 21.6 points from Josh Jacobs in SNF, and then needed about 6 points from Keenan Allen in MNF to win, which was far scarier for him than it should have been, as he didn’t secure those into partway into the 3rd quarter. Brady will move onto the semifinals after his 146-132 win for the first time since his 2020 Fully Stocked squad would lose there in the opener despite their #1 seed. Qualley will be knocked out of the championship playoffs for the third straight season, which is a backhanded complement I guess, but perhaps it will sting a little less given that he didn’t lose the IFL Superbowl this time.

The most straightforward game, and least affected by Lions / Bills was Hunt v Nelson, and that was basically due to the fact that Nelson’s team posted their season low, by 16 points, 74.16 points this week, a number which Hunt more than doubled at 158.93 points, and perhaps poetically, a season high for THE GROOVERS. Hunt, who went from power-ranked 3rd to 12th and closed the regular season 5th, has now captured the title of highest scoring team through 15 weeks, and his squad leads the league in highest score of the week at 3. He’ll return to the final four for his second consecutive season, where he would lose to last year’s champ Nick. Hunt is the lone wildcard to move on, as 3 of 4 division champs would hold strong.

The consolation bracket’s top seeds all found their way to the semifinals, with the exception of Curtis, who lost handily to Austin 148-104. Austin will look to take that momentum into his matchup with Jesse, who won by default this week against Nick, who somehow only scored 49.65 points, the 4th lowest score in IFL history. Amazingly, he also did this without posting any goose eggs, which makes it all the more impressive. Perhaps his newborn baby will absorb a bit of the sting of this embarrassment.

The Commish’ extends his lead from the pack by one through the first round of Playoff Pick ‘Em with bonus points in full effect.

The Commissioner

Week 14 Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Tuna with Spicy Mustard
Coach Jack (2nd time this season)
199.16 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
McConkey Kong Country
Coach Austin
Puka Nacua - 42.8 pts (Highest point total by an award winner this season, but Puka was actually only the 3rd highest scorer this week. #1 was Josh Allen with 53.4 points and #2 was Jamar Chase with 45.6 points, both contributing to Jack’s ridiculous 200 point game this week; however, you cannot win both weekly awards.)

4 teams clinched last week, and the final 4 clinch this week for our championship playoffs! Let’s break it down.

The final division to be clinched - Boy Scout Cyclones was done so with a loss, or two losses to be precise. The BSC leader - Nelson was up one game on Drew entering the week, and would have the privilege of getting historically whooped on by the Doc 199.16 - 135.29. Despite the loss, Drew, would also lose this week to Austin’s WAR DADDY Puka Nacua’s 40-burger 128-142. Amazingly, despite both BSC teams losing, they would both clinch playoff spots. Nelson, as the de facto BSC division champ, with his fifth division title, most by any coach in the IFL; and Drew, as the PPG-leader for non-clinched teams at 117.8 PPG (7th best this season). For Drew, it’s his 8th playoff appearance in 11 seasons, a league high, and his second PPG-bid.

Jack’s 199.16 points is the fifth highest score in IFL history and came behind the completely mind-boggling performances of Josh Allen’s 53.38 points and Jamar Chase’s 45.6 points. Josh’s performance was second only to Jamar Chase’s 56.65 point game in Week 10, and is the 7th highest individual performance in IFL history. His victory also claims himself the title of regular season champ, which adds a little cash to his pocket, but amazingly is the first time he’s ever had that honor despite his previous two championships.

Despite the win-and-in gambit Qualley faced, and being the 30-point favorite in his matchup with Chris, Qualley not only didn’t cover the spread, he would lose this week to Chris 141-126, which meant that his fate was in other’s hands in regard to his playoff bid. Qualley’s loss opened the door to TC, who was in a dogfight with Brady, and remarkably came down to a single extra point by Cade York in MNF, in which Brady would edge out TC 101.3-100.79. Had TC, won, he would have had the head-to-head tiebreaker over Qualley; HOWEVER, Jesse would win this week 133-124 over yours truly, tying up records with Qualley at 8-6, and unfortunately for Jesse, Qualley did have the head-to-head tiebreaker over Jesse. So if it makes you feel better TC, had you won, it still would have been Qualley, as you three all had a 1-1 record against each other and then Qualley’s superior PPG would have given him the bid. Qualley earns his third consecutive championship playoff bid in his five season tenure.

Despite the loss, TC still had playoff hopes, as he led non-clinched teams in PPG heading into Week 14, and was up 17.41 points on the nearest contender, your Commish’. However; TC’s 100.79 points opened the door for Spawn of Satan and with exactly 100 points entering MNF, the Commish’ was reliant on Chase Brown to get him over the finish line, which he did convincingly, scoring 24.3 points and clinching the final remaining playoff-bid, edging out TC with 115.2 PPG to his 114.8 PPG on the season. It’s the Commish’s 6th playoff appearance, and 2nd consecutive PPG-bid. With all seeds clinched, beginning with the #1 seed, each consecutive division winner got to pick their opening matchup for the championship playoffs and same thing for the top 4 seeds in the consolation bracket. Here's a look at our playoff brackets:

Bounty brawl

The $20 bounty has been claimed, in Chris’ shock upset of Qualley, he claims the $20, for the second year in a row no less! Chris ended Qualley’s 8-game win streak last year to claim the bounty if you recall. Congrats Chris! He’s just the second coach to have won the bounty twice - Jack being the other.

Here’s the trajectory of this year’s $20 bounty:

Nick earns the bounty Week 1 scoring the lowest point total in the league, and loses it to the Commish’ in Week 2.

The Commish’ loses it to Brady in Week 3.

Brady loses is to Nelson in Week 4.

Nelson loses it to Jesse in Week 5.

Jesse’s epic 7-game win streak would have him carry the bounty all the way to this week, week 11, where he would finally lose to the Scallon Express.

Scallon loses it to Qualley in Week 12, who fends off Ewoldt in Week 13, and carried it to the Bounty Brawl in Week 14, between him and Duncan, in which Duncan would win 140.81-126.3 and win the bounty for the season.

A monster week from X-IA has yet another lead switch in the final week, having led all-season long, lost the lead last week, they would regain and finish the season on top as the best division in the IFL for the first time in our 11-season history. They also effectively prevented Papa Jord’s from pulling off the 3-peat, a feat that has yet to have been done. Jack and Ewoldt led the charge in this comeback, scoring the highest and 2nd-highest scores this week by any team. The Cul-de-Sack finish the season as the league’s worst division, which is the first time they have done so in league history. Incredibly, each division is represented equally, as each would claim two playoff berths this season. That’s the first time since we introduced the 8-team format that a division hasn’t claimed 3 playoff berths.

A rare tie in the MNQ pick ‘em question adds a half point wrinkle into the mix, as the consensus this week goes perfect. Jesse regains 2nd place, as we enter playoff pick ‘em, where things will start to heat up with the added bonus points for each correct pick.

The Commissioner

Iowa Fantasy League
18 member league

Champions to Date
2024 - Jord
2023 - Nick
2022 - Curtis
2021 - TC
2020 - Jack
2019 - TC
2018 - Drew
2017 - Jack
2016 - Matt
2015 - Zach
2014 - Nick
 

Season Awards
Champion: $445
Runner-Up: $70
3rd Place: $10
Regular Season Champ: $15
Division Winner: $35
Wild Card: $8
Pick 'Em Champ: $25

Weekly Awards
Highest Scoring Team = $15
Highest Scoring Player = $7