Week 10 Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Groovers
Coach Hunt (3rd time this season)
171.24 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Meet MY Kids
Coach Jesse
Jahmyr Gibbs - 39.7 pts
(Hunt had the highest and 2nd highest scoring players this week, but can’t win both weekly awards, so it falls to #3 Jahmyr this week!)

I mean, very easily this entire recap could be about Hunt’s team. Despite starting his second consecutive game without a kicker, his Groovers score the most points in the league this week, decimating Chris and Can’t Bench These Vibes 171-91, the third highest point total by any team all season, with 52.1 points from Jonathan Taylor. JT’s performance is the best by any player all season, edging out the previous best of 45.3 points from Brock Bowers last week. It also ties Dalvin Cook’s 2020 Week 8 performance for the 8th best in IFL history!

Of course, with the win the Groovers are now the first ever team to start the season 10-0, and Hunt now owns the longest and third longest single season win streaks in IFL history. There’s also the matter of his scoring, which is also historically high. If the season ended today, his 131.79 PPG would be the third highest of any team in IFL history, adjusted, only beaten by Jord’s 2018 133.7 PPG Momma Cat and TC’s 2019 132.7 PPG Don’t Mess with the Zoquon squads. And then there’s point differential - which at 26.32% higher than the league average this season would actually make the Groovers the most dominant team in IFL history if that were to hold, besting TC’s same Zoquon squad of 24.13%.

Lastly, before I shut up about Hunt, his Groovers is also only the second team in IFL history to win his division and clinch the playoffs with 4 weeks left in the regular season, following fellow X-IA coach Jesse and his 2019 team 3-2-1 Spike. That’s right, the Groovers are your 2025 X-IA champ, and that leads us to taking a look at the current playoff standings. If the playoffs started today, here’s where we’d be:

CURRENT PLAYOFF STANDINGS

  1. Hunt’s Groovers (10-0) [X-IA CHAMP] *Clinched Playoffs

  2. John’s Pineview Knights (7-3) [PJ Leader]

  3. Nick’s Alexa, Draft My Team (6-4) [CdS Leader]

  4. Drew’s Zach’s Barn of Horrors (6-4) [Wildcard Leader] X-IA

  5. Jack’s Pronto Stache (6-4) [Wildcard Leader] X-IA

  6. Jesse’s Meet MY Kids (6-4) [Wildcard Leader] X-IA

  7. Qualley’s Des Moines Football Team (5-5) [PPG Leader - 118 PPG] PJ

  8. Jord’s Yes Chef! (6-4) [PPG Leader - 108 PPG] PJ

X-IA, who has been the most dominant division this season, would grab all three wildcard bids, and notably all three of those current wildcard slots would win this week, Drew’s Zach’s Barn of Horrors knocking off Qualley 106-95, Jack’s Pronto Stache beating Nick’s Alexa, Draft My Team 112-100, and Jesse’s Meet MY Kids going full Ivan Ooze on TC 160-71. Jesse, whose team has seen a resurgence in the second half of the season, has actually averaged the second most points in the league over the last four weeks with 135 PPG second only to Hunt. Spikey hot!

Papa Jord’s, who remains to be led by Scallon and his Pineview Knights, who would win their 5th consecutive game, this week against Father Dady 97-87, also have two bonus entries to the current playoff standings, Qualley, and Jord’s Yes Chef!, who as as it stands would earn the two outstanding PPG bids.

Of course, with four weeks to go, and a bevy of 5-5 teams, the playoff teams will assuredly change, and even a team like Joe’s, who did see their second victory of the season and back-to-back, smoking Brady 134-115, could snatch a PPG bid, sitting at 102 PPG on the year, just 6 shy from Jord’s average.

Finally, although he’s still active duty, I’d be remiss if I didn’t thank Curtis for his service on this week of Veteran’s Day, and point out that he has quietly resurrected his team from the brink of irrelevancy, winning his third straight game this week, beating Austin 100-88, and clawing his way back to 5-5 and threatening Nick’s lead of the division in what may be his final season. Salute to you, sir!

X-IA gives itself a little breathing room, and CdS digs themselves out of their hole, but it may be too little too late.

Well, I forgot to pick the first three games this week, thought I’d give you all a chance to catch up a bit, and Drew and Jord at least, take advantage.

The Commissioner

Week 9 Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Zach’s Barn of Horrors
Coach Drew (2nd time this season)
141.44 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Last Seen at Brady’s
Coach Joe
Brock Bowers - 45.3 pts

You might think that the IFL wouldn’t get any spicier than Rivalry Week, but Week 9 did just that. Four games were decided in MNF, and six of our nine matchups were decided by 10 or less points, including one that was decided on one of the last plays of the game last night.

But first, our Game of the Week. Despite architecting his dream team via the historic 6-way trade, and 9 out of 10 pickers preferring Jord and Yes Chef! over Drew and Zach’s Barn of Horrors, and Jord getting a near 40-burger from Caleb Williams in the completely ridiculous Bengals / Bears game, Drew’s team just refused to go away, with Josh Allen and Rico Dowdle both putting up 30, and really his whole team contributing, and that put Jord down about 14 going into MNF. But his RB1, Javonte Williams had a quiet night, and Drew would upset Jord 141-131. Both teams move to 5-4.

For Drew, he still remains four games back in X-IA, as division leader Hunt and the Groovers would win their 9th consecutive game this week, 118-112 over Jack and Pronto Stache. Hunt got a little help from the fantasy gods on this one, as Jack lost two players mid-game, CJ Stroud with a concussion, and Tucker Kraft with an ACL tear. The latter of which is a huge blow for Jack, as Kraft has been a top 4 TE this season. Jack falls to 5-4 with about half the league, and Hunt’s 9-0 start makes him the first ever 9-0 team in IFL history, and just the fourth team to ever go on a 9-game win streak in a single season. Hunt did coach one of the previous three teams that had a 9-game win streak, his 2021 Groovers team, who would actually go on to win 13 in a row, the all-time single season record, which is to say, he’s likely not done yet.

For Jord, he falls back a game in Papa Jord’s, as Papa Jord newcomer Scallon and his Pineview Knights break out of the 3-way tie with their fourth consecutive win, this week just narrowly coming bac and beating Jesse and Meet MY Kids 103-101, thanks to 21 points from George Pickens and Jake Ferguson last night. As Jesse falls into a 3-way tie at 5-4 for 2nd place in X-IA with the aforementioned Jack and Drew, Scallon climbs into a one-game lead in Papa Jord’s.

Jord remains hot on Scallon’s heels, but so does Qualley, who would deliver Austin his 4th consecutive loss this week, in a devastating 118-116 defeat. Remember that roller coaster meme about Austin’s teams from a couple years ago? Yeah, that still checks out. Devastating to lose another game, and that close, but mainly devastating because Austin’s Jayden Daniels suffered a brutal dislocated elbow in the Seahawks game, which may knock him out for the remainder of the season, though X-rays were negative, and the exact timetable remains to be announced. Qualley and Austin would even up at 5-4 with Jord, desperately chasing Scallon down.

Making our way to X-IA, we had our wildest finish of the week, Daddy vs Nick, a matchup that only required about 16 points from Dak Prescott to give Nick the comeback victory, and a feat he had accomplished in 5 of 8 games this season, and a feat that he would accomplish last night against the Cardinals, as prior to the very last snap of the Cowboys/Cardinals game last night, Dak had earned 17.9 points, and Nick led by a point. But in a desperation 4th and mile, Dak would throw an interception, and flip the game back to Daddy’s favor, and Nick would lose 76-78, a crushing defeat for Nick and an epic win for Daddy. Father Daddy is keeping the division in play for the rest of the Cul-de-Sack, as Nick’s lead is cut to just a single game, and with Chris’ team sleepwalking their way to victory over my horrendous Breaking Veg 103-85, Daddy and Chris are now just a game back.

Lastly, huge shoutout to the other fellow league returnee Joe, who with the return of the chosen one, Brock Bowers, and a ridonkulous 45.3 points, finally gets to put a one in the W column, putting the hurt on TC 137-104, and ending his 8 game losing streak.


Papa Jord’s closes the gap between them and X-IA, as the CdS is soon to be relegated to the shadow realm.

Drew goes perfect in pick ‘em, as the only picker to believe he had a chance against Jord.

The Commissioner

Week 8 Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Meet MY Kids
Coach Jesse
155.75 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
The Groovers
Coach Hunt
Jonathan Taylor - 38.9 pts

What a week, huh?! Rivalry Week doesn’t disappoint. We had upsets, beatdowns, and an unprecedented 6-team trade. Let’s kick it off the recap with the trade.

If someone had told me that a 6-way trade happens this year before the season started, I would be completely shocked to learn that Jesse wasn’t the architect. Instead, the mastermind of this trade would need some cajoling. It all started with this stray from Drew:

And the next thing we know, Jord says this:

The trade in question was so big you couldn’t even screenshot it in one grab:

Daddy and Drew fell right away. When Joe finally looked at his phone, he was in.

After sleeping on it for a night, the Commish’ was in too. That left us with Duncan, and despite every expert in the country calling Jefferson for Nacua a downgrade, what they don’t factor in is Duncan’s Vikings blinders taking over, and the final domino fell and the first ever multi-team trade in IFL history was complete, much to the chagrin of the only hater of the trade in the league, TC. Poor guy just hates to be left out.

If Puka stays healthy, Jord will likely run away with the trade, but for now that’s a big if. For now, you just have to tip your cap to the architect, and while we’re at it, his old mentor Jesse, the pioneer of attempted multi-team trades. Now let’s get to the games.

PINEVIEW LEGENDS

Chris took in the shorts following his trade, since Jefferson played Thursday before the trade went through, he got to play neither him nor CeeDee, but it really wouldn’t have mattered, as his squad mustered just 61 points, and Nelson pulled off a major upset, winning 88-61. Nelson climbs to 3-5, into a tie at the bottom of X-IA. Chris remains in 2nd in the CdS.

RICHARD BROS

Prior to the 6-man trade, a trade that will henceforth be referred to as simply “The Trade”, Jord declared he would lose this week if The Trade went through, as his recipients were all bye. But that was not at all the case, as his team would step up all around, including his kicker who scored a twenty deuce and his free agent pickup Troy Franklin, who would score 27. Jord’s 128 points were his second highest all season, and he sailed past little bro Austin, who scored just 92, with an uncharacteristic performance from Bijan - just 4.3 points this week. Austin loses his third straight game and falls to 5-3, opening the door to two other fellow Papa Jord teams, one of whom was Jord himself, who has now won 4 straight games. Jord will hold the important tiebreaker over Austin should it come down to that.

CYCLONES VS HAWKEYES

But another team holds a tiebreaker over both Jord and Austin, and that is none other than Scallon and the Pineview Knights, who just like their beloved Cyclones, handled business against #1 Hawkeye truther TC, 118-104. Scallon climbs to 5-3 as well, and is the de facto division leader, with that double tiebreaker. TC falls to 3-5, and has lost three straight.

JANE’S BASEMENT

Not only did Nick lose to his biggest rival this week 86-105, but he took a major blow to his season, as Cam Skattebo would get knocked out for the season with an ankle injury, putting an end to Skatt’s electric rookie season. The clairvoyant Jord, who traded him to Nick just 16 days prior, does it again. Maybe we’re learning, too late now of course, not to trade with Jord? The man is a GM possessed. Nick falls to 6-2, still two games up in the CdS. Curtis climbs to 3-5.

MOST INTERESTING MEN IN THE WORLD

The Doc, who continues to just find ways to win games, does it again this week against Qualley, 138-103, taking full advantage of Qualley’s two best players being on bye. The Doc’s Tucker Kraft put up 35 the day after National Tight End’s Day, just an unreal performance. Jack climbs to 5-3, trying to stay relevant in X-IA, as Qualley falls out of his three-way tie with Jord and John.

IOWA FALLS TRANSPLANTS

Jesse’s had kind of an up and down season and up again season, and this week it’s WAY up, much like his pubescent hair, as he nearly TRIPLES up Ewoldt this week 155.75-52.13, which is good enough for the 6th highest blowout in IFL history. Drew’s 171.75-57.91 beatdown of Scallon in Week 4 of 2022 still stands the test of time as the biggest ever. Ewoldt’s 52.13 points is also low enough for the 5th lowest score in IFL history, or at least it would have been, as amazingly, Ewoldt did end up outscoring Joe, who could only play 6 players this week, and that was despite Ewoldt’s kicker being declared out prior to MNF. Jesse’s actually averaged the second most points in the league over the last four weeks (126 PPG), only surpassed by Hunt (138 PPG). Jesse climbs to 5-3 with Jack in X-IA, remaining three games back.

BACHELOR PARTY ABSENTEES

Well Drew’s had some embarrassing losses this season, but this one might take the cake. In our pick ‘em poll, just a single man thought Brady could beat Drew this week, and I’m certain Austin only picked Brady accidentally. Brady, who has been plotting his revenge against Drew for a year, imagined the most humiliating way he could beat Drew, by the might of just a single player, and manifested it. James Cook ran for a ridiculous 216 yards, and two tuddies, for 37.6 points, for a comeback victory over Drew 118-111. It doesn’t get more pathetic than that for Drew’s idiotic squad. Drew falls to 4-4 and can pretty much kiss his season goodbye as Brady moves to 3-5 and things are looking up.

FAILED MATHEMATICIANS

Well, despite getting to eat my cake and have it too in the JJets for CeeDee trade and playing both players, my Breaking Veg squad just folded against the best team in the league, getting slammed by Hunt and the Groovers 87-130. Hunt has now won 8 in a row for the second time in his coaching career, the first coach to ever accomplish that in the IFL. Hunt’s squad is the best in every metric we have - all-play, PPG, standard deviation, last four week’s PPG, and it’s all behind the incomparable Jonathan Taylor, who is currently AVERAGING 28 points per game. Ridiculous.

DADDY & THE KID

Well, the pioneering year of our newest rivalry was somewhat ham handed, as Joe could only start 6 of 8 players this week. In solidarity, Daddy benched his kicker, not that it made much of a difference, as Daddy would win 87.02-50.35. Joe’s 50.35 points were the 5th lowest in IFL history. Daddy climbs to 4-4, and being in Papa Jord’s, a division that is very much up for grabs, is looking to get mixy with it in the last 6 weeks of the season. Joe, falls to 0-8, and will look to turn his season around with the expected return of Brock Bowers in Week 9.

X-IA expands their lead to 11 as the CdS continues to embarrass.

Your commish’ goes nuclear in rivalry week pick ‘em, 9 for 10, and expands his lead to 8. Qualley and Jord go a respectable 7 for 10 and 6 for 10, respectively, but catch me if you can, boys!

The Commissioner

Rivalry Week

The Iowa Fantasy League’s 4th annual Rivalry Week is here. Winners of their respective rivalry will receive $10 FAAB.

Let’s take a look at the matchups:

Pineview Legends

If you want to have the GOAT conversation regarding the athletes that have graced the hallowed grounds of Pineview Elementary School, then Nelson and Duncan are certainly the main two contenders. Aaron, of course, came out of the womb faster than any of us ever were as adults and was a cheat code in basketball or football; but Chris was a literal mini-Roethlisberger in pickup, with a jaw-dropping cannon for an arm, which pretty much cemented him as all-time QB but his supple hands also made him a bruising tight end.

Chris has seen the hype from his team decline over the season after the top scorer in the league Puka got hurt, and is trying to buy time until his likely Week 9 return. Meanwhile Nelson has had one of the worst starts in his career at 2-5. Chris leads this series 6-3, but will have to navigate three byes this week, including his #2 and #4 scorers on the season, Goff and Walker, whereas Nelson just has one bye.

Richard Bros

How can you compete against little brother? No matter what they do, they’re always beloved. In Jord’s case, it’s really tough. Austin’s got a better beard, better Photoshop skills, and a greater appreciation for good names, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Jord will always have experience on his side, looks GOOD in a tank, and now most importantly, is an IFL Champion, winning it all last season, a feat Austin hasn’t even come close to.

While the sails have also deflated for Austin a bit this season after his 5-0 start, he’s now lost back to back games and his star QB is banged up, Jord’s scoring is in the lower half of the league, and has been wildly inconsistent despite his #5 power ranking. Austin has met Jord four times, winning his very first match against big bro last season.

Jane’s basement

It’s impossible to quantify just how much time the town of Iowa Falls has spent in Jane Hansen’s basement, and the all-time leaders list is one that would shock you, like even cracking the top 25 would have required months of your life, but Curtis is certainly at the top of the heap. This is not an exaggeration: for a multi-year stretch late junior high into high school Curtis spent more time than Nick did in his own mother’s basement all while technically not living there. If you had to measure the quantity of Jane’s pop that Curtis has drank in his lifetime, your unit would have to be olympic-sized swimming pools. Some people adopted Jane’s basement, but Curtis was born in it, molded by it.

This is one the IFL’s most storied IRL rivalries, as these two Cul-de-Sack foes have had 13 meetings, and Curtis leads 8 to 5. Nick snapped a four game losing streak last year to Curtis, and while there’s been some rumors that this may be Curtis’ final season, Nick would like to send him off with one final kick in the shorts.

CYCLONES VS HAWKEYES

Scallon is the most sensible person I know. Despite being one of the biggest Cyclone fans in the country, he always holds himself to reason, and will adhere to the laws of reason. TC is beyond a stan of the Hawkeyes, he is closer to a religious zealot or a freedom fighter, who will hear no slander against anyone or anything even tangentially related to the Hawkeyes, and will respond vulgarly and violently if he does. Unfortunately for Scallon, the battle between logic and blind passion is one that can’t really be won. Since this rivalry was made formal in 2022, Iowa State has beaten Iowa 3 out of 4 years, including back-to-back seasons.

On that note, Scallon beat TC for the very first time in their 7 meetings last season, and as the #1 power ranked team in the league, is looking to embarrass TC’s sorry team, just like his precious Iowa Hawkeyes.

most interesting
men in the world

Cuba imports cigars from them.
Mosquitos refuse to bite them purely out of respect.
In museums, they are allowed to touch the art.
Even their enemies list them as their emergency contact number.
They bowl overhand.
They can identify UFOs.
They gave their fathers “the talk”.
They once went to a pyschic to warn the psychic.
They have inside jokes with complete strangers.

They’re polymaths, Renaissance men, Übermensch. Jack, the doctor, the scholar, the philosopher, father, runner, mustard/tuna/sardine connoisseur. Qualley, the auditor, the patron, the cosmopolitan, father, runner, hunter/hiker/fishermen. Only one of them can win their respective rivalry, but they’ll both walk away better for it.

While Qualley has the better team this season, ranked #3 by the experts, he’ll be without his #1 and #3 scorers JSN and the Sun God in matchup with the Doc, who despite his 49-70 all-play record, is 4-3 on the season. As no man is better than the other, this series is fittingly tied 3-3.

iowa falls transplants

This rivalry, which could easily also be named the Smokeshow Shootout, as these two are obvious heavyweights in the Hottest Coaches in the IFL rankings, instead is a reference to their adopted status into the Iowa Falls class of 2010. Ewoldt, of course, being an Alden native, arrived at the height of junior high puberty and nerves, but was quickly beloved due to his natural coolness, and skater hair. Jesse arrived at the same time as the Aldenites (if memory serves), and everyone just assumed, he too was from Alden, even though he came from god knows where, and his upbeat personality and upbeat hair won us all over in short order. Major kudos to them both for attending our 15-year reunion.

This rivalry is the most prevalent in the IFL itself, having met each other 14 times, with Jesse leading the series 9-5. Jesse has won four straight regular season meetings. Jesse, 4-3, will be without his #1 scorer this week in Gibbs, and will look to hold down the fort against his X-IA division rival Ewoldt, who at 3-4 is fighting to stay alive in the division.

BACHELOR PARTY ABSENTEES

A friendship as old as time. One forged by being mutually manhandled by Rick and mutually loved by Becky. A storied friendship filled with fishing, terrible bands, and Halo. A friendship frayed by Brady’s moving to the desert, but one that persevered anyway, and still landed Brady as a groomsmen at Drew’s wedding. Drew’s bachelor party was optional for Brady, as he lived 1,500 miles away, but his absence was a scar that never faded on Drew’s psyche, a hurt that he would hold onto for four hard years. For when Brady’s bachelor party was explicitly scheduled in close proximity to Drew’s residence, as he was a groomsmen after all, Drew cashed in on his long held grudge, and returned the favor, no showing Brady’s multi-day celebration. Sometimes the best of rivalries were once the best of friendships.

While Brady leads this series 5-3, his team this season is the lowest scoring in the league at 90 PPG and he’ll hope to take full advantage of Drew’s #3 & #5 scorers LaPorta and Jeanty being on bye. Drew’s team, who has managed to scrape out a 4-3 record despite one of the dumbest drafts we’ve ever seen, looks to ascend in the back half of the season with Rashee Rice back off suspension.

FAILED MATHEMATICIANS

Everyone loves Good Will Hunting, but would the masses have loved Bad Tanner Hunting? The one where the mathematical genius doesn’t live up to his potential of making the world a better place by the power of math? Maybe that isn’t actually how Good Will Hunting ended, but I always viewed it was somewhat implied. Whatever the case, neither Hunt nor myself pursued our mathematical talents beyond academia, much to the chagrin of Miss Steiner and her greatest aspirations for us. Though she was as much our intellectual mentor as she was our spiritual cheerleader, and ultimately I like to think that Tanner and I’s pursuit of happiness is as worthy of cause as any. And maybe that’s how Good Will Hunting really ended. 🍎

Hunt’s Groovers has the highest scoring team on the season, and with no byes to speak of, looks to tee off on Breaking Veg, who will be without their #2 scorer Trey McBride this week. The Commish’ leads this series 4-3, but Hunt has won in back to back seasons.

daddy & the kid

Despite being shoehorned into this rivalry, it kind of makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? The Iowa Fantasy League’s both spiritual and literal DADDY, and everybody’s lil’ bro, the immortal nut-grabbing 9-year old, Joe. They have even charted similar careers in the league, as Daddy retired in 2020, Joe followed suit in 2022, citing not being able to exist in a league without Daddy, and by some small miracle, these two have made their way back to us, in an improbable league expansion, to find us, and each other again. May Daddy forever bottle feed us his sweet, warm milk, and may Joe perform reverse child abuse on our nuts till the end of time.

Daddy, at 3-4, has had a slightly more welcome return to the league, and while Joe would love to get his first win of the season, his two highest scoring players, Kyren and Davante will be on bye this week. Hopefully Daddy is nice to his baby boy. Joe leads this series 3-1 all-time, having last met in 2019.

Week 7 Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Groovers
Coach Hunt
150.11 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Pineview Knights
Coach John
Christian McCaffrey - 41.6 pts

We’ll get to the sick-o snoozefest our Game of the Week was, but first thing’s first, let’s hype up Hunt’s team so that we inevitably jynx them in their matchup next week, and don’t worry about who that matchup is, it’s not important.

Hunt would cruise to 7-0 this week, slaying rival Broncos fan Curtis 150-111 behind one of the more bizarre 40-burger performances we’ve ever seen in fantasy football by Bo Nix. The Broncos, as you may know, trailed 0-19 headed into the fourth and Bo had maybe 1 or 2 points, but proceeded to deliver 174 passing yards, 2 passing touchdowns, 48 rushing yards and 2 rushing touchdowns in the fourth quarter to not only give the Broncos the comeback win, but gave the Groovers the highest score of any team this week, and Hunt’s second $15 award this season.

So let’s put 7-0 into some context. In our 12 seasons & 190 teams, the IFL has seen five 7-0 teams, three of whom have gone on to 8-0. Already in elite territory. Let’s look at those five 7-0 teams and how they finished the season:

  • 2015 Daddy’s Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory (12-3) - 2nd Place

  • 2016 Brady’s Twenty Deuce (12-3) - Superbowl Champ

  • 2019 Jesse’s 3-2-1 Spike (9-6) - 4th Place

  • 2021 Drew’s (F) Shak (10-7) - 4th Place

  • 2023 Ewoldt’s The Course Rangers (9-8) - 8th Place

Interestingly, those five teams had a combined Week 8 and beyond record of 27-27, but the crucial fact for Hunt is that all five teams made the playoffs. Another tidbit, only one of those five 7-0 teams led the league in scoring through 7 weeks, and that was Brady’s 2016 Superbowl Champs, which certainly bodes well for Hunt. And Hunt even has a higher point differential compared to the league average than Brady’s team that year 22.1% vs 15.7%. Which makes sense given that Hunt currently rosters the highest scoring player in the league Jonathan Taylor, but also the RB6 Achane, the QB7 Nix, the WR7 Egbuka, and the WR10 Sutton. The guy is coming for it all.

Okay, now that we’ve thoroughly put the bad juju on Hunt with no ulterior motives whatsoever, let’s look at our Game of the Week, where despite Jord’s Yes Chef! crashing back to earth with literally less than half the points the scored the previous week with 75, their season low, they would get their third straight win, as Chris’ Can’t Bench These Vibes put up an even lower season low of 64 points. Jord climbs to 4-3 as Chris falls to 4-3.

Elsewhere Nelson does Jord a favor, as he scores his season high with 127 points, delivering Austin his second consecutive loss after starting 5-0, and his lead of the Papa Jord’s divisions falls to just a game. Qualley and Scallon both take advantage as well, crushing TC 127-65 and giving Joe an unbelievable 0-7 start 122-104, respectively. Both Qualley and Scallon climb to 4-3 with Jord, and all continue to chase Austin.

Joe, like the yin to Hunt’s yang, at 0-7 is just the 5th team to ever pull off that feat, even rarer territory than Hunt. While we’re in the history books, let’s take a look at the four 0-7 teams and how they finished:

  • 2017 TC’s Dirty Mike and the Boys (3-12) - 15th Place

  • 2020 Drew’s DrewBot (2-12) - 15th Place

  • 2023 Chris’ Scrantonicity All-Stars (6-11) - 11th Place

  • 2024 Nick’s Curtis’s Bronco Coat (5-12) - 13th Place

Good news for you, Joe, three of the those teams would win in Week 8. TC would go on to lose two more before finally winning in Week 10.

Finally, since the IFL is two-thirds Class of 2010, I’d like to shoutout the reunion attendees we had!

It was really cool to see all these beautiful faces we grew up with again, and it was weirdly like we never left. I am going to personally see to it that the 20 Year is bigger and better and I hope we get Nelson-esque perfect attendance for it.

Rivalry Week next week, gents! Previews to come. Good luck.

X-IA has another monster week and steals the lead by a single game, while the CdS falls further behind.

Your commish’ is the lone picker to know Rachaad White would fail him last night, and delivers a perfect week, extending his lead and overtaking the pickers’ consensus.

The Commissioner

Week 6 Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Yes Chef!
Coach Jord
156.18 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Zach’s Barn of Horrors
Coach Drew
Rico Dowdle - 36.9 pts (BACK TO BACK WEEKS)

While we did have some spicy finishes this week, our Game of the Week wasn’t one of them, as Austin and BiJanShulShonRobnSonSonSo lost their joust with the Pineview Knights 78-113. Amazingly, 55.5 of Austin’s points came from his two best players, Jayden Daniels and league winner Bijan Robinson. Scallon got a little more all-around production from his team but did enjoy another 30-burger from George Pickens. Austin puts his first game in the L column on the season, and Scallon gets back to .500, while doing his newly found Papa Jord’s division a favor, keeping the division leader at just a two game lead.

Staying with Papa Jord’s, Papa Jord himself had a coming out party, showing his former landlord Qualley that the 2024 champ isn’t going to just roll over this season, cooking up an 8-course meal, and walloping the Des Moines Football Team 156-103. Of course Jord got off to a piping hot start with the Skattebo hat trick in TNF, but 7 of his 8 starters had 17.65 or more points and that’s just a bit too spicy for most people’s palates. These two even up at 3-3, joining Scallon and TC, who would get stomped by Nick this week 78-117.

Nick’s team has kind of gone under the radar in recent weeks, after falling from #2 in the pre-season power rankings all the way to #9 in Week 5, his team has quietly won three in a row, and now sits at 5-1 with the 4th best PPG in the league, and maintain their one game lead in the Cul-de-Sack.

The team a game back in the CdS - Can’t Bench These Vibes had a unbelievable win over the Course Rangers, in a game where both teams combined for just 129 points, Chris would win 69-60. It’s the worst score from both coaches all season, but for Ewoldt, it’s the lowest score of any team through 6 weeks.

Now to the nailbiters. We had Brady, and his reliance on James Cook, story of his season, to outscore Nelson’s Kyle Pitts in MNF by 4 points, a feat that despite the bizarre throttling the Bills received by the Falcons, James Cook pulled off and Brady would climb to 2-4 with a 81-79 victory.

Then there was my sorry team, who were sitting pretty needing just 22 points from my 3 remaining players to put Curtis and Last Ride in the dirt. But unlike Brady, the stupid Bills’ anemic offense severely impacted the most embarrassing WR1 in the league, Keon Coleman and the ancient kicker GOAT Matt Prater, who would combine for just 5.85 points. No problem, though, as my rookie phenom Jacory Croskey-Merritt went for 28 points last week and 16 points for him is child’s play, surely. I knew I was cooked when he fumbled on like his very first carry. He would finish with just 6.3 points, and Curtis would get his second win of the season, scoring more than 100 points for just the second time this year. Curtis’ Last Ride ain’t over yet.

But my favorite loss this week, by far, was Drew’s, who despite having like a 95% chance to win headed into MNF, choked it away to the Doc, whose Drake London 30-deuce and 16 more from DJ Moore and Buffalo DST were more than enough to outpace Josh Allen’s sorry quarterback play as the reigning MVP, who could only muster 12.4 points, throwing two picks and fumbling twice. Imagine drafting him in the second round, am I right? Oh yeah, if there’s one thing that will get me through this week, it’s thinking about Drew pissing this one away. The Doc climbs to 4-2 despite a 45-57 all play record - that’s a two-time champion for you. And yet he remains two games back in X-IA, because Hunt did it again.

6-0. Now the highest scoring team in the league, and the most consistent, the Groovers put up 122 points despite Emeka Egbuka exiting his game early with an injury. The lightning and thunder duo of De’Von Achane (RB4) and Jonathan Taylor (RB1) has been a brutal one to face, and Father Daddy, who put on a valiant effort from SNF to MNF (60 points from Mahomes and Swift) would lose 112-122. Hunt remains perfect as Daddy falls to 2-4.

X-IA has a big week closes the gap between them and Papa Jord’s, while sending Cul-de-Sack further in the hole.

Chris is the only picker to correctly predict Jord over Qualley this week and goes perfect to boot, sending him into second place, one back from the Commish’.

The Commissioner

Week 5 Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Groovers
Coach Hunt
148.79 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Zach’s Barn of Horrors
Coach Drew
Rico Dowdle - 34.4 pts

Our game of the week was the spiciest one yet, as the rising Pineview Knights kicked off the week with a slam dunk from CMC, 27 points, fresh off the controversial trade mishap between Scallon and Drew. Guess CMC decided to show Scallon why he should remain a Knight. Despite the all-around effort from the rest of his team and a total of 131 points this week, which was good enough for 3rd highest score in the league, Hunt’s Groovers were just that much better, posting two 30-burgers, from Jonathan Taylor and the electric Emeka Egbuka. Hunt’s rookie sensation is currently WR3 on the season, and helped lead Hunt to a $15 high score performance, extending his all-play record 71-14 and most importantly, a perfect 5-0 start, maintaining his two-game lead in X-IA. Scallon falls to 2-3 in Papa Jord’s.

Our other perfect team, Austin’s BiJanShulShonRobnSonSonSo, was able to remain so against Chris and the surging Can’t Bench These Vibes this week, thanks to two stellar Jets? performances, which is a sentence you don’t say every day. Garrett Wilson has produced all season as the current WR5 but rookie Mason Taylor has seen a increasing target share every week and posted his first 20 burger in the loss vs Dallas. Austin will get his team namesake back off bye next week and look to keep things rolling, but remains at 2-game advantage in Papa Jord’s. Chris falls to 3-2, losing his co-lead with Nick in the Cul-de-Sack.

Hunt and Austin’s 5-0 start makes them the 7th and 8th teams to ever pull that off in the IFL. As you might expect, they have had the two easiest schedules in the league, though even the disparity between the two of them is significant. Hunt’s opponents have averaged 94.6 PPG while Austin’s have averaged just 82.9 PPG. Nevertheless, first and third in all-play record, respectively, speaks for itself, and 5-0 is 5-0.

Our other division leader, Nick, and Alexa, Draft My Team, who has had a wild up and down season, sends division rival and league returnee Joe to 0-5, re-grabbing the Cul-de-Sack division lead and a 4-1 start. Nick had 3 near thirty-burgers from Dak, Chase and Javonte Williams, and 134 points put them firmly over Joe’s 114 point game. Nick has the highest standard deviation of any team this season, posting a roller coaster score line of 82 - 152 - 82 - 106 - 134 and somehow only losing in week 3 thus far, a true wildcard team. Joe, at 0-5, still has had the 7th best all-play record in the league at 46-39, and if you’re wondering, only the 2nd toughest schedule this season, facing an average PPG of 118.8 thus far, nearly 36 PPG more than Austin’s faced. But with two PPG playoff bids up for grabs, his season’s certainly not over yet.

Oh and the toughest schedule this season? Why that honor belongs to the Commish’, of course, who faces a Superbowl performance week in and week out, opponents averaging 123 PPG. But despite Jesse’s Meet MY Kids reversing their negative scoring trend this week, Breaking Veg was able to hold on to their Sunday lead, winning 108-103, and clawing their way to 2-3. Jesse falls to 3-2 in back-to-back losses.

Qualley remains the hottest coach in the league over the last 4 weeks (135 PPG), standing on business this week over the coldest coach in the league over the last 4 weeks (82 PPG) and on the season (87 PPG), Curtis, winning 116-93. Qualley wins his third game in a row and continues his impressive turnaround after is 0-2 start. Curtis falls to 1-4, but will look to turn things around in Week 6 against a bye-laden Breaking Veg.

Of course, there are more embarrassing ways to arrive at 1-4 than losing to the hottest team in the league. How about losing to a team with 4 players on bye, all of whom are undroppable, in a 3-bench league. That means that Jack and the Pronto Stache were playing not only without 3 of their stud players this week, they were playing without a TE period. Just 7 guys started in a 8-guy game. Am I painting the picture clearly enough? Despite the Doc literally playing with one arm tied behind his back, his squads 87 points were more than enough to crush Brady’s ALL-TIME D, who mustered a mere 80 points with a full 8-man starting block, and I’ll also point out, no byes to contend with. The worst loss I’ve seen in all my years as Commish’ and I’ve seen Brady lose twice to become IFL Loser of the Year.

Man I love fantasy football.

Papa Jord’s extends their lead by a couple more games, and X-IA has a solid week, separating from the CdS a bit.

Drew and TC post perfect weeks, putting Drew into a tie with the Commish’ at the top, and TC a game back.

The Commissioner

Week 4 Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Pineview Knights
Coach John
172.06 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Can’t Bench These Vibes
Coach Chris
Puka Nakua - 36.25 pts

Our game of the week saw the league’s highest scoring team cool off from 174 points to 127 points, but Qualley’s Des Moines Football Team was still good enough for the 3rd highest score this week and able to send Joe to 0-4, who could only muster 98 points this week. Qualley’s whole team scored double digits, and scarily, his bench could have propelled him even higher, as Doubs delivered a hat trick of tuddies on his bench, the best attention grab for playing time Doubs can muster. Qualley climbs to 2-2, but still sits at two-games back from the division leader, Austin, who would win handily against Ewoldt and the Course Rangers 116-91 this week. Austin remains undefeated, and I don’t know why that should change, sitting tight on league winner Bijan, who produced 29 points this week, and to boot, he does it for the second straight week without Jayden Daniels. Ewoldt falls to 2-2 after his 2-0 start.

The battle between our two other 3-0 teams wasn’t really a battle at all, as Jesse’s Meet MY Kids tun in their worst performance of the year, and concerningly, their 4th consecutive declining performance: 114 - 99 - 88 - 75. Hunt’s GROOVERS put up 122 points and cruised to 4-0, remaining the all-play W-L leader at 54-14, though he has fallen to 4th in PPG, as Scallon’s Pineview Knights went fully MEDIEVAL on Jord and Yes Chef!, doubling them up and them some 172-82, and Scallon now jumps Hunt in PPG through 4 weeks. It’s the second highest score by any team this season, and was anchored by 50 points from Love and CMC, but sent to the upper echelons by George Pickens’ 34 points and a ridiculous 27 points from the Lions DEF. The Knights climb to 2-2 and will look to chase the 4-0 Austin in Papa Jord’s. For Papa Jord himself, he falls to 1-3 and our 2024 champ really needs to take hard look in the mirror, as he currently sits at 17-51 in all-play record, the league worst.

Another shoutout to Daddy this week, as he narrowly puts together back to back wins, this week slipping past No Nonsense Nelson 112-108. His team looked in TROUBLE midway Sunday, but some hero performances from Mahomes and Hampton, and some all-time low performances from Lamar and AJ Brown for Nelson’s squad, flipped the script and the 4 points Will Lutz delivered last night were Father Daddy needed to get back to even Steven. Even more impressive that he did this without his first round draft pick CeeDee Lamb.

Speaking of first round draft picks, we lost one this week to a season ender, as Brady’s Malik Nabers tore his ACL in the Chargers game. It’s a big blow to ALL-TIME D, who fell to 1-3 to boot this week, as Nick and Alexa, Draft My Team swept up 106-69, and made their way to 3-1. But we all know Brady’s team has never been about talent, and if there’s anyone who can coach their way out of the pickle he’s in, it’s him.

Papa Jord’s hits their stride with a monster week, climbing to a 23 game lead, as X-IA and CdS remain close.

Your commish’ navigates both 50/50s and nails the MNQ, jumping Jord and Chris in the process.

The Commissioner

Week 3 Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Des Moines Football Team
Coach Qualley
174.38 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
The IFL Boogeyman
Coach TC
Vikings DEF - 37.58 pts

Well our Game of the Week turned out to be a turtle and the slightly faster turtle kind of race, as Jesse and Jord were locked up 72-62, in Jord’s favor, headed into MNF, but Meet MY Kids star RB Jahmyr Gibbs did laps around Yes Chef’s Jameson Williams, leading Jesse to a 88-79 victory and his second-ever 3-0 start, last time coming in 2019, when he started the season 8-0. He has just an 28-23 all-play record, benefitting so far from the second easiest schedule in the league thus far, but, hey, it’s not about how you win, am I right? Jord posts the worst total in the league this week, falling to 1-2, and currently sits with the lowest all-play record in the league at 14-37. YIKES. Time to hit the panic button if you’re one of the many underpaid line cooks in that kitchen.

At the other end of the spectrum, the all-play leader at 41-10, Hunt’s Groovers have quietly dismantled 3 consecutive, this week taking down the previous standings leader, Nick 132-82, and grooves on to 3-0. This is also Hunt’s second 3-0 start to a season, his first time coming in 2022, a season in which in didn’t even make the playoffs. The Groovers have quietly built each performance this season, and that’s a scary trend if it continues: 104 —> 120 —> 132.

Nick is surpassed in standings by the only other 2-1 Cul-de-Sack team, Chris, as Can’t Bench These Vibes dispatch with Scallon’s Pineview Knights 124-111, behind the league’s WR1, Puka Nacua. Chris has the third best all-play record in the league at 33-18 and tied for second best PPG with Hunt at 119. Scallon falls to 1-2.

Our new PPG leader, naturally, is the latest hot hand, Qualley, who gave his 0-2 team a real fire branding heading into this weekend’s games, and it showed, his lowest scoring player, JK Dobbins had 15.8 points, and 6 of his players had 20+, completely EMBARRASSING the goon squad, ALL-TIME D and their goon captain Brady with 174 points, an IFL high for any team this season, besting the previous high by 19 points. Brady’s team had rallied hard the previous weekend for their Superbowl matchup with the commish’ and that was obvious this week, as they came back down to their comfort zone, a measly 82 points.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out my favorite team, Austin’s BiJanShulShonRobnSonSonSo and their league winner Bijan also climbed to 3-0, easily besting Drew’s truly horrible team 116-83. This is Austin’s first ever 3-0 start and at a 33-18 all-play record, it’s no fluke either. And this win was without his QB phenom Jayden Daniels, who may be iffy for Week 4.

Of our two IFL retirement returnees, Daddy was the first to get a win, beating the two-time champ Jack 104-97, despite his first round draft pick CeeDee Lamb getting hurt early in the Bears game and posting a gooseegg. Daddy gets his first IFL win since his exodus in 2019. Congrats, my guy! Of course, it’s a bit bittersweet, as CeeDee’s injury is in flux, possibly forcing him to miss a couple games, but on the other hand, his rookie stud Omarion Hampton just became the Chargers workhorse RB with Najee’s season ending injury. The Doc falls to 1-2, but history tells us not worry about him.

For our other returnee, Joe, he was not so lucky, as his battle with his brother ended fittingly, with big bro on top 114-112. Joe and Last Seen at Brady’s fall to 0-3, the only team with such a distinction, but unlike Jord’s team, it really isn’t time to hit the panic button whatsoever. He sits at 29-22 in all-play, which is 5th best in the league, and has the lowest standard deviation in the league of the top 8 scoring teams. He just made a winning trade for Etienne and Bowers and has been without his QB1 Brock Purdy for two weeks. I’d much rather be Last Seen at Brady’s than Yes Chef!, that’s for sure. Breaking Veg narrowly escapes the 0-3 start, and joins the endless ranks of 1-2 teams.

A much better week for the Cul-de-Sack brings the race real tight, as Papa Jord’s slips into to first, by just a single game.

Chris goes 3 for 4, climbing into a tie with Jord at the top of the heap.

The Commissioner

Week 2 Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Can’t Bench These Vibes
Coach Chris
155.97 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Des Moines Football Team
Coach Qualley
Amon-Ra St. Brown - 39.45 pts

Just going to rip the Band-Aid off and get right to it - our Game of the Week was a disaster for your Commissioner, after facing the #1 scoring team in the league last week, Brady, fresh off the Monday Night Football primetime juicer at Soldier Field, used that experience to rally the troops and inspired his men to a 146 point field day against my Breaking Veg. Brady’s long-time croney James Cook was good for 27, but sophomore phenom Malik Nabers BUSTED for 37.5, while my boys have had a SLOW start to the season. No matter. Not worried AT ALL. Not even A LITTLE. Not ONE BIT.

One upping Brady this week, was Nick, the autodrafter, who popped off for 152 points, against the Pineview Knights, whose 119 points was an improvement from last week, but gives them their first loss of the season. Nick’s performance is impressive considering this is his first week without George Kittle, who was placed on IR. No matter, plug in Zach Ertz, who posts a twenty-deuce and show the league why you draft Jamar Chase #1 overall, who torches the Jags for 37.5 points. Nick moves to 2-0, the only undefeated team in the Cul-de-Sac.

And of course, we’d be remiss if we didn’t highlight the most improved team from week 1 to 2, more than doubling his week 1 score, Chris and Can’t Bench These Vibes, whose 78 points to kick off the season was second-worst in the league, but 156 points this week answers a lot of questions. The Lions returned to form this week as Jared Goff went OFF for 34 points and Puka continues to do War Daddy things, scoring 28 points this week and currently sitting at WR1 overall on the season. League gentleman Qualley, unfortunately, was on the receiving end of this, whose respectable 124 points this week was 4th highest this week, but just couldn’t muster the defense. Qualley moves to 0-2, despite his 108 PPG through 2 weeks, which is 6th best in the league. If it’s any solace, the Sun God did earn him $7 this week for his near 40-burger. Chris moves to 1-1.

One of the scariest under-the-radar teams through two weeks has been Hunt’s GROOVERS, who have quietly put up the 6th best week 1 score and 5th best week 2 score, putting them at a league best all-play record of 25-9. This week, they silently slaughtered Drew and Zach’s Barn of Horrors 121-94, behind two workhorse RB performances from Achane and Taylor (RB6 & RB4 respectively on the season). If they can continue to produce like that, YIKES. Hunt climbs to 2-0, but is in a 3-way tie atop X-IA, as Jesse’s Meet MY Kids dispatched Nelson in a nailbiter this week 100-95 and Ewoldt and the Course Rangers savaged Curtis’ Last Ride 103-67 to get to 2-0 as well. Drew and Curtis fall to 1-1 and Aaron to 0-2.

The only other undefeated team remaining is the one I live vicariously through, as the Prince Who Was Promised, Bijan Robinson helped carry McConkey Kong Country (still in need of a name change) to a kind of defense wins championships win 84-64 over a brutally bad TC The IFL Boogeyman game. TC posts a league-low this week after his hot start week 1, and falls to 1-1. Austin climbs to 2-0, and now crosses his fingers, as the #2 in his dynamic duo, Jayden Daniels is questionable after a knee injury this week.

Lastly, we’ll just touch briefly on our reigning champ Jord and Yes Chef’s bounce back game, who gets back to even against league returnee Daddy, in a 116-80 affair. Daddy, like me, has seen disappointing RB play, but unlike me, has the league-low all-play record of 8-26. But you know what? The night is young. The first two weeks of the NFL are just a blip in the grand scheme of things, and fortunes will most undoubtedly change. Daddy having a better record end-of-season than Jord wouldn’t surprise me AT ALL.

Godspeed in Week 3, gentlemen.


X-IA and Papa Jord’s remain neck and neck, but the Cul-de-Sack falls further behind.

Jord has maybe his first perfect week of pick ‘em ever to take the lead through two weeks. He was just one of two pickers who had Brady’s unlikely team knocking off the commish'

The Commissioner

Iowa Fantasy League
18 member league

Champions to Date
2024 - Jord
2023 - Nick
2022 - Curtis
2021 - TC
2020 - Jack
2019 - TC
2018 - Drew
2017 - Jack
2016 - Matt
2015 - Zach
2014 - Nick
 

Season Awards
Champion: $445
Runner-Up: $70
3rd Place: $10
Regular Season Champ: $15
Division Winner: $35
Wild Card: $8
Pick 'Em Champ: $25

Weekly Awards
Highest Scoring Team = $15
Highest Scoring Player = $7