Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Can’t Bench These Vibes
Coach Chris
155.97 pts
Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Des Moines Football Team
Coach Qualley
Amon-Ra St. Brown - 39.45 pts
Just going to rip the Band-Aid off and get right to it - our Game of the Week was a disaster for your Commissioner, after facing the #1 scoring team in the league last week, Brady, fresh off the Monday Night Football primetime juicer at Soldier Field, used that experience to rally the troops and inspired his men to a 146 point field day against my Breaking Veg. Brady’s long-time croney James Cook was good for 27, but sophomore phenom Malik Nabers BUSTED for 37.5, while my boys have had a SLOW start to the season. No matter. Not worried AT ALL. Not even A LITTLE. Not ONE BIT.
One upping Brady this week, was Nick, the autodrafter, who popped off for 152 points, against the Pineview Knights, whose 119 points was an improvement from last week, but gives them their first loss of the season. Nick’s performance is impressive considering this is his first week without George Kittle, who was placed on IR. No matter, plug in Zach Ertz, who posts a twenty-deuce and show the league why you draft Jamar Chase #1 overall, who torches the Jags for 37.5 points. Nick moves to 2-0, the only undefeated team in the Cul-de-Sac.
And of course, we’d be remiss if we didn’t highlight the most improved team from week 1 to 2, more than doubling his week 1 score, Chris and Can’t Bench These Vibes, whose 78 points to kick off the season was second-worst in the league, but 156 points this week answers a lot of questions. The Lions returned to form this week as Jared Goff went OFF for 34 points and Puka continues to do War Daddy things, scoring 28 points this week and currently sitting at WR1 overall on the season. League gentleman Qualley, unfortunately, was on the receiving end of this, whose respectable 124 points this week was 4th highest this week, but just couldn’t muster the defense. Qualley moves to 0-2, despite his 108 PPG through 2 weeks, which is 6th best in the league. If it’s any solace, the Sun God did earn him $7 this week for his near 40-burger. Chris moves to 1-1.
One of the scariest under-the-radar teams through two weeks has been Hunt’s GROOVERS, who have quietly put up the 6th best week 1 score and 5th best week 2 score, putting them at a league best all-play record of 25-9. This week, they silently slaughtered Drew and Zach’s Barn of Horrors 121-94, behind two workhorse RB performances from Achane and Taylor (RB6 & RB4 respectively on the season). If they can continue to produce like that, YIKES. Hunt climbs to 2-0, but is in a 3-way tie atop X-IA, as Jesse’s Meet MY Kids dispatched Nelson in a nailbiter this week 100-95 and Ewoldt and the Course Rangers savaged Curtis’ Last Ride 103-67 to get to 2-0 as well. Drew and Curtis fall to 1-1 and Aaron to 0-2.
The only other undefeated team remaining is the one I live vicariously through, as the Prince Who Was Promised, Bijan Robinson helped carry McConkey Kong Country (still in need of a name change) to a kind of defense wins championships win 84-64 over a brutally bad TC The IFL Boogeyman game. TC posts a league-low this week after his hot start week 1, and falls to 1-1. Austin climbs to 2-0, and now crosses his fingers, as the #2 in his dynamic duo, Jayden Daniels is questionable after a knee injury this week.
Lastly, we’ll just touch briefly on our reigning champ Jord and Yes Chef’s bounce back game, who gets back to even against league returnee Daddy, in a 116-80 affair. Daddy, like me, has seen disappointing RB play, but unlike me, has the league-low all-play record of 8-26. But you know what? The night is young. The first two weeks of the NFL are just a blip in the grand scheme of things, and fortunes will most undoubtedly change. Daddy having a better record end-of-season than Jord wouldn’t surprise me AT ALL.
Godspeed in Week 3, gentlemen.
X-IA and Papa Jord’s remain neck and neck, but the Cul-de-Sack falls further behind.
Jord has maybe his first perfect week of pick ‘em ever to take the lead through two weeks. He was just one of two pickers who had Brady’s unlikely team knocking off the commish'
